Marriage Works When You Do It God's Way

41 Years and Still Together

• They came not simply as pastors but as a couple who has walked 41 years of marriage (almost 42): the joy and the challenges, the growth and the difficult seasons.
• They started out "so jacked up" that they studied marriage deeply: books, teachings, decades of counseling other couples. And they had outstanding models of marriage in front of them: Apostles Tony & Cynthia Brazelton.
• Pastor Tyrone: "After 41 years, this woman is still the love of my life, and I am happily married." Call him whatever you want; he calls himself blessed, thankful, and grateful.
• The warning stat: almost 40% of divorces in the USA come from people who are 50 years old and older. So do not slack up. Gray divorce is real, and we do not want to be in that number.
• Marriage should get better with time. That is God's heart for it.
• Marriage is a blessing, but marriage takes work. Just because you have to put some work in it does not mean it is the wrong one.
• What they worked through: raising children, job and career changes, health challenges, financial changes, burying their parents, adult children, grandchildren, retirement. "And after all of that, we are still together."
• Pastor Cynthia: everything they shared is based on the Word of God, and God is no respecter of persons: anyone who works the Word, it will work for them. Work it, and you will see LEGACY established (their son and daughter-in-love ministered at this same conference; their 11-year-old grandson serves too).
• It is never too late to make adjustments and recalibrate. God can turn ashes into beauty.

The Core Values

1. An intimate relationship with God is first, and it is a must

• Marriage is flesh burning and fruit producing. To get juice, fruit gets squeezed; iron sharpens iron, and the friction shows you what is in you.
• You will need your OWN genuine relationship with God first.

2. The Word of God is first place and final authority

• If there is a problem: what does the Word say about it? It doesn't have to be his way or my way; it's "Yes, Jesus."
• It settles disagreements, helps you hear God's instructions clearly, and walks you into unity.
• They studied the same Word at the same time. "We listened to the Word of God together, and then we discussed the revelation after, and we did this every single day."
• You come from a church (any campus) that provides the Word. Sit under the Word together. This will help MAKE YOU ONE.
• The unity test: ask either of them the same question separately and you get the same answer. "Everything we say goes back to the Word. We don't give our opinion; we give the Word of God."
• Their 21-year-old son overheard the daily pattern and asked to join it.

3. Walking in Love

• Love never fails. God is love. Faith works by love. If you don't have love, nothing else you do matters.
• Pastor Cynthia: "This Word taught me not to wear my emotions on my sleeve and to learn to think the best." (It carried her through PMS, perimenopause, menopause, and post-menopause.)
• Believe the best in your spouse. He is not your enemy. Assume the best.
• The Word of God will cause you to become best friends.
• Pastor Tyrone: "You need to LIKE your spouse. I know you love your spouse, but you need to like them too. Don't forget to have FUN!"
• Why are 40% of 50-and-over marriages divorcing? "We are doing life together, but we are not enjoying life together." Take a walk. Hold hands. Lighten up. Laugh again.
• Pastor Cynthia: "Walking in love will produce a godly seed." Your children watch you behind the scenes: do we really live this at home, or is it a show at church?
• "It does not feel good to eat crow, but the Word will make you consider yourself. You must conform to the Word." Pointing at someone else is just finding reasons to stay the same.
• The rebellious-child testimony: a child rebelling to your face, and God says, "No, YOU change. Because if you don't, you are going to lose them forever." Don't let the rebellion go on, but talk about it when you are calm. After three or four weeks of the love walk, the Holy Spirit got hold of the daughter's heart, and she changed.
• Pastor Tyrone: "You be the first one to change!" Be kind. In the shaky years he would go to the basement, pray in tongues, and hear: "Go up and apologize. Be kind to her." His change opened the door for the Holy Spirit to deal with her, because she could no longer put anything on him.

4. Be in agreement before the children

• The children could never play them against each other. "What did Daddy say?" "We didn't ask Daddy." "Then I'll talk to Daddy, and we'll come back in agreement."
• Same rule for spiritual children in the church. "We stood as one."

5. Our money is one

• No divided money. No he-money and she-money. God made us one, so our money is one. (This is how God led them; they noted every couple makes their own financial decisions.)

6. Maintain balance between marriage, family, ministry, and job

• The value so important it became its own pillar. See Balance below.

Delivered in Three Weeks From 16 Years of Bondage

• Pastor Cynthia was a hurting woman carrying 16 years of bondage from past relationships into the marriage. The first seven years were "like hell in a basket": in church every time the doors opened, but "word deficient": always sitting under the Word, never transformed.
• One day she faced it: "I'm the problem." Sick and tired of being sick and tired, and unable to blame anyone else.
• On maternity leave in 1993, she got into the Word of God three to four hours every day, seeking it like hidden treasure. The Word began to speak, wash the hurt out of her heart, and heal her.
• "It took three weeks of submerging myself in this Word every single day to get delivered of 16 years of bondage." And the same Word has upheld her from 1993 to 2026, because she never stopped.
• Pastor Tyrone stood for almost seven years, because God had shown him a vision of what was on the other side: their marriage becoming a blessing to other marriages. Knowing your purpose will stop you from throwing in the towel.
• Pastor Tyrone: "I saw it with my own eyes. Once you see the Word work with your own eyes, you will know God for yourself. Now I have an anointed, virtuous, power-packed woman of God who is a blessing to me every day."
• Her word to wives: "Don't nag your husband!" God said: "I've got this. You just love me, seek me in this Word, and pray." Her transformation, not her nagging, is what drew her husband to answer the call of God.

Balance: Every Role Is a Calling

• Pastor Tyrone was a police officer working 12-16 hours a day, six days a week, month after month. God directed the little things: take the kids to the park, family night with a Blockbuster movie and popcorn in the big bed, Baskin-Robbins after church, candy and a note left for sleeping kids before a dawn shift, a Starbucks date night when money was tight.
• "Nothing was missing, nothing was lacking, because He was directing me how to spend time with my wife and my family with a demanding job like that." Outstanding evaluations at work, never missed church, and his wife and children never felt neglected.
• If you follow God, He will give you the balance. Do not lose your kids by losing your balance.
• Their kids went everywhere with them (7 AM prayer, counseling sessions, crusades, conferences) and never felt in competition with the ministry.
• Everything is a calling: your relationship with God is a calling, your marriage is a calling, being a parent is a calling, ministry is a calling, your job is a calling. "God will never cause us to forsake one calling for another." He will instruct you when to activate and when to draw back and rest.
• Your personal relationship with God is paramount, and what you do FOR ministry is NOT your relationship with God. If you think ministry is your intimacy with God, the marriage falls to third place behind ministry, and you end up with a bitter, resentful spouse and children who feel you value the work of God more than them.
• Do not pour everything into the children: "One day these kids are going to grow up and get their own families. If you pour all your energy into them and forget about investing in me, we are going to have an empty marriage and a gray divorce."
• You need time alone as a couple. Train your children to give you "me time," respect quiet time, and keep a set bedtime, so you have quality conversation together every day. You must fuel the passion.

• The law of receiving: whatever you put in your eye gate and ear gate the most gets into your heart, and out of your heart flow the issues of life.
• Sometimes one of us has to get started. Your change will bring about your spouse's change. His change delivered her from hurt; her change delivered their daughter from rebellion.

Vision: What Does Our Marriage Need in This Season?

• Your spouse is not the same person you married. Life has changed you. Experiences have changed you. Loss has changed you. Children have changed you. Success has changed you. Disappointments have changed you. Age has changed you. Even God has changed you.
• You can't handle your marriage the same way decade after decade. Where are we IN THIS SEASON? What we need in this season determines the next season. Ask your spouse tonight.
• You should know why you are married. Many times, just knowing your purpose will keep you together and on the same sheet of music. The vision will bless you to see past the hurt and the pain.
• The vision must be in alignment. One person has one vision and the other has a vision for something else; if you do not talk and cast vision together, it leads to frustration, bitterness, and even anger.
• The retirement lesson: when he retired, they never discussed expectations. She envisioned a full-time ministry co-worker; he envisioned a honeymoon-season girlfriend. Almost a year of underlying bitterness and frustration they kept having to uproot. What kept them from breaking up: their CORE VALUES. The Word first place and final authority, the love walk, forgiving, making allowances, pursuing peace.
• You need a vision for:
  • Money: gifts, savings, investments
  • Children: discipline, bedtimes, blended families
  • Family and the empty nest: do adult kids move back? Do they pay rent?
  • Adult parenting: are we still treating them like they're 2 and 3?
  • Aging parents and end-of-life planning
  • Retirement and job changes
  • Vacation goals
  • Midlife changes: menopause AND male hormone changes
  • Intimacy and sex: they are two different things
  • Health goals: diet and exercise
  • Ministry goals
• How to do it: take them one at a time. Start with the most radioactive one, the one causing the most friction. Make it the topic of a date night (or a vision retreat if you can get away), weekly or nightly, until you reach agreement, then move to the next. Start with 1%, then add another 1%. If you never discuss them, you never get any resolution.

We Are Better Together

• Your marriage is a ministry. Your children are watching. Your grandchildren are watching. The church is watching. The world is watching. Our marriages need to speak loud: God is faithful, and marriage works when you do it God's way, even in a jacked-up time like this.
• Tonight is not about having a perfect marriage; it is about having a HEALTHY marriage: one that survives the seasons, grows through the years, and remains a blessing while still serving God.

• Four benefits of being stronger together:
  • Someone to help you carry life's burdens. Aging parents, grandchildren, adult children's issues, health concerns, retirement decisions. A strong marriage says: this is not just your problem, this is OUR problem.
  • Someone to help you when you fall. Financial mistakes, bad decisions, discouragement, setbacks: your spouse provides strength when you are out of strength.
  • You make better decisions together. Your spouse has a different outlook and perspective; talk first, decide together.
  • Someone to share the victories. Graduations, grandchildren, milestones, retirement: celebration is better with somebody beside you.
• Remember the moments your spouse stood beside you: when you were sick, when you buried a loved one, when the money was tight, when you made the mistake, when life did not make sense, when you needed somebody to say, "We are going to get through this together."
• The charge to every couple in the room: turn to your spouse and say, "After all these years, I'm glad you're still here." Then hug.
• The closing prayer: no marriage leaves the same; crooked places made straight; arguments and disagreements fixed; walking out stronger, wiser, and better; "there will be no divorce among this family, in the name of Jesus."

Key Quotes

Themes

Nuggets

• 40% of US divorces are people 50 and older. Do not slack up. Gray divorce is real.
• Working overtime on your marriage does not mean you married the wrong one.
• Ask either of us the same question separately; the Word gives you the same answer.
• Hold hands. Take the walk. Laugh again. Fun is a discipline.
• Eat the crow; keep the child. "No, YOU change, or you'll lose them forever."
• A police officer working 16-hour shifts still left candy and a note. Small obedience keeps a family full.
• Ministry is not your quiet time. Never let the work of God replace the God of the work.
• Intimacy and sex are two different things. Have a vision for both.
• Start with the most radioactive topic, at 1% a conversation at a time.

How This Applies to Us

• Get under the Word together daily. Same Word, same time, then discuss the revelation. This is the unification engine; everything else flows from it.
• Ask the season question tonight: "What does our marriage need in this season?" Write both answers down and compare.
• Be the first one to change. Whatever the standoff is, apologize first, be kind first, and let the Holy Spirit deal with your spouse.
• Schedule fun like it matters, because it does. A walk, held hands, a laugh, a cheap date night. Doing life together is not the same as enjoying life together.
• Audit the callings. God never asks you to forsake marriage for ministry, kids for job, or relationship with Him for work done for Him. Personal time with God first; the marriage right behind it.
• Run the vision list. Money, kids, empty nest, aging parents, retirement, intimacy, sex, health, end-of-life, ministry. One topic per date night, most radioactive first, 1% at a time.
• Obey the prophetic word. Turn your attention back to your spouse. Write down their good traits, invest on purpose, be kind on purpose, and let your heart follow.
• Say it out loud to your spouse: "After all these years, I'm glad you're still here."