High Road Leadership | Develop Emotional Capacity | Patreon Premium Guide

THE CLASS + THE SLIDES + THE WORK

This is the same session Isabella and I taught our leadership team at Inspired Solutions. Watch it. Take the slides. Work the eight ways.

WHY THIS TRAINING IS HERE

Family, this is leadership training Isabella and I provide to our team at Inspired Solutions. I am sharing this class with you.

This is not a clip I found. This is not a recap of somebody else's sermon. This is the session we ran with our own leaders. I am putting the full class in your hands the same way the team received it: the video, the slides, and the work.

This is leadership training that Isabella and I provide to our team at Inspired Solutions. I am sharing this class with Patreon members because we invest in our own leaders so the company stays healthy under pressure. You get the same session the team got.

Why does this training matter? We do not wait for a crisis to start growing our people. We invest in our own leaders so Inspired Solutions stays healthy when the pressure hits. Federal deadlines do not pause because somebody is tired. Partner friction does not wait for a good week. If the leadership is drowning, the culture drowns with it.

Last month we studied giving. My line was simple: I want more for you than I want from you. This chapter is the load-bearing wall under that line. You cannot give if you are drowning. You cannot pour out of an empty tank and call it leadership.

Patreon members get the same room the team got. Watch the class. Take the slides. Work the eight ways in your leadership, your marriage, your ministry, and your work.

Download the Guide PDF Download the Slides

Guide PDF: guides.rickpina.cloud/high-road-emotional-capacity-premium-guide.pdf. Slides: guides.rickpina.cloud/high-road-ch6-slides.pdf.

WATCH THE CLASS

High Road Leadership. Develop Emotional Capacity. 51 minutes 40 seconds. Watch it before you skim the notes.

Class video: High Road Leadership Develop Emotional Capacity • Also: youtu.be/yPoU2xsLrl4 • The Grace Life / @RickPina • 51:40 • Unlisted

Listen for four things while I teach.

01

Overflow

You cannot give what you do not have. Minister from overflow, not from empty.

02

Healthy

If you are not healthy on the inside, you can cause a mess for other people.

03

Climate

The team copies what leadership does under pressure. Speed of the leader, speed of the group.

04

Bounce

Resilience is the capacity to bounce back. We do not have time to wallow for days.

LAST MONTH: GIVING

Chapter 5. Session 5 of 12. The line I left with the team was not a slogan. It was a standard.

I want more for you than I want from you.

That only works if the leader has capacity left to give. If I am drowning, I cannot save people who are drowning. If I am locked up emotionally, I cannot lead anyone to freedom.

This is Session 6 of 12 in our year-long study of John C. Maxwell's High Road Leadership. The pathway this month is Resilience. The assignment is simple: build the wall that last month's giving chapter stands on.

Book credit: John C. Maxwell, High Road Leadership, Chapter 6, Develop Emotional Capacity. Session 6 of 12. Pathway: Resilience. These are teaching notes from the Inspired Solutions class. I am not putting fake page numbers on anything.

MINISTER FROM OVERFLOW

Most of you know I am also a pastor and I teach in Bible college. There is a concept I teach: minister out of your overflow.

You cannot give what you do not have. You cannot lead what you have not been. You cannot tell me something you do not know.

If I have an overflow of peace in my marriage and a couple comes to Isabella and me and says, "Can we talk to you about our marriage? We do not have peace." I have so much peace I can talk to them and give them peace. Some people have an overflow of mercy. They are gracious, so they can extend mercy.

If I do not have it, and you come asking for peace, I am going to be like, get out of my face. I do not have it for myself. I am not worried about you and your marriage. My marriage is falling apart. As a leader, this chapter is critical because we want to be healthy from the inside out.

Iraq. Gospel service. A hug.

If you are not healthy, you can destroy somebody else's life.

I was in Iraq. I was the pastor of the gospel service. A friend of mine, one of the nicest people in the world, from lower Alabama, raised right, a major in the United States Army, gave a woman a hug when I introduced them. I was standing right there. A couple of days later she came to me and said she was about to file an EO complaint. He did not hug her right. She felt uncomfortable. I said, what? I was there. You are about to destroy this dude's career. He was about to become a lieutenant colonel. He was about to get battalion command. Come to find out, some things happened to her when she was young, and some things happened to her when she was in the Army. As a result she was really uncomfortable around men. She was comfortable around me. He absolutely did not do anything wrong. Thankfully I was there to stop that. That guy is now a full bird colonel. If she had filed that complaint, he probably would not have even made lieutenant colonel. If you are going to be a leader, you have to be healthy. If you are not healthy, you can cause a disruption with yourself, and you can cause all kinds of mess.

What you want to do is make sure that you as a person, and you as a leader, are healthy from the inside out.

PRESSURE IS THE JOB

I am not saying we should create stressful situations. Absolutely not. Stress is still part of it. If you are not careful, you can lose your peace.

Eric has to deal with Stuart. Stuart has to deal with Eric. I am joking. Kim has to deal with her team. April has to deal with me. That is a whole different kind of pressure. At the end of the day, pressure is part of the job. What you do not want is to be the type of person that does not have any capacity.

Yesterday. The 8(a) review.

Even people others call strong have to take control of negative thoughts.

Isabella and I, and Karen and Desi, were dealing with a situation. Somebody was doing a review for us. It was due Sunday. If we do not have it done, we could lose our 8(a) status. The person said, I am going on vacation, see you on Monday. I know we are not going to lose our 8(a). It is causing a tremendous amount of work. Last night when I was going to sleep, I had to take control of negative thoughts. If we lose our 8(a), I am working on three deals right now that are 8(a). What is going to happen? I had to take control. First of all, we are not going to lose our 8(a). The Bible says it is vain to sit up late at night eating the bread of sorrow. I cast my cares over to the Lord. We are going to be just fine. If I were not spiritually and emotionally healthy, today I could not be the leader Inspired Solutions needs me to be. I have been on back to back to back calls.

Psalm 127:2

It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.

In addition to Inspired Solutions, most of you have children. You have a spouse. You have all of these other things. If you are not careful, all of that can add up. None of us are immune. People think, you are a pastor, you preach, nothing goes wrong for you. What are you talking about? I am a human. The attack is stronger on those who get on the front line. The greater the assignment, the greater the attack. Be honest. Be transparent. I put on my pants one leg at a time.

Whatever the leadership does under pressure is what everybody is going to do under pressure. In the Army we call it the command climate. Speed of the leader, speed of the group.

If you establish a command climate where you freak out every time something happens, everybody else is going to feel like they should freak out every time something happens. John Maxwell has been doing this for 50 years and he is honest about what he went through. Everybody has to deal with negative thoughts. What you do not want is to meditate on them. Uncontrolled negative thoughts create negative images. If you are not careful they can create a stronghold. Even the best people can dive into depression.

Desi and I know somebody personally. A very successful man. A judge. A Supreme Court justice. A published author. A dean of a school of law. Beautiful children. He killed himself because he was battling depression. Depression is a trillion dollar industry. For us to be the leaders Inspired wants us to be, and I believe God wants us to be, we need to be healthy on the inside.

If somebody is struggling and you need help, reach out. Please. I thrive under pressure. I personally thrive under pressure. You still have to learn how to deal with all of this without allowing it to overwhelm you and overtake you. I cannot tell you how many times I am talking to people and they say, I am just overwhelmed. I appreciate the honesty. When you feel overwhelmed you feel like you are drowning and you do not know how to get out. As leaders we genuinely care about our people. We create an environment where they are healthy on the inside and on the outside.

WHAT EMOTIONAL CAPACITY IS

From the session slides and Maxwell's framework. Leadership is a high-pressure job. High pressure requires high capacity.

The ability to respond to adversity, failure, criticism, and pressure in positive ways.

01

Stand up

Stand up under internal conflict. Do not fold the first time your insides get loud.

02

Manage you

Manage your own emotions so you can lead others well. You cannot lead people out of a storm you are still drowning in.

03

High road

Stay on the high road when the easy road is to shut down, lash out, or quit.

Maxwell has led for more than 50 years. He says leading people has never been harder than it is now. After 2020 and 2021, people are still struggling emotionally. In that environment a lot of people want to opt out. Leaders cannot. People are counting on us to weather the storm, make hard calls, and take them to a better place.

EIGHT WAYS TO INCREASE IT

Maxwell's eight practices. Work them under pressure, not after it. In the class I threw the screen up and let the team call them out. We talked. Then we walked them.

01

Refuse to see yourself as a victim

A victim story feels true. It also hands your power to someone else.

02

Control your emotions and process them quickly

Not suppression. Feel it, name it, redirect it. Do not make a permanent decision in a poor mental state.

03

Keep short accounts

Emotional baggage is capacity you cannot spend on your people. Forgive them. Forgive yourself.

04

Put other people's opinions in perspective

Respect everybody. Do not lose your identity, purpose, or value because of their mouth.

05

Know a problem from a fact of life

If you can change it, work it. If you cannot, stop howling at the moon.

06

Become comfortable with discomfort

If you never feel like an imposter, you are not in rooms that grow you.

07

Grow capacity ahead of responsibility

The more capacity you create, the more God will fill it, and you will not get stressed out in the process.

08

Make caring for yourself a priority

Self-care is how you keep something left to pour out. Mindless scrolling is not rest.

WAY 01

REFUSE TO SEE YOURSELF AS A VICTIM

If you see yourself as a victim, you give your power away. You are saying you are not the person on top, not the person in control, not the person dictating anything. Your whole life is being dictated to you.

Michael said it in the room: take accountability for your life. If you spend all your time thinking things are happening to you, you are never going to go anywhere. It has everything to do with your identity. The way you speak to yourself is the way your mind reverts to the identity you have for yourself. If you believe you are a loser, every situation goes back to that.

I did not have a relationship with my father. I am a son of immigrants. I was raised in East New York, Brooklyn. Do not go living your life as a victim. You are giving your power away.

Isabella and I try to be patient. We try to be kind. We try to extend grace. Sometimes I do not have a lot of patience for, "My life is messed up because my dad was not there." Well, I did not have a relationship with my father. What are you going to do, use that as an excuse? "I am an immigrant. I am a this. I am a that." Stop it already. Nobody promised you anything. This is the one you got and you cannot mess it up. I like to say woah is me. I have the ability to change this. The grace of God is on my life to overcome it.

Isabella said it this way in the class. Your parents are responsible for you until you turn 18. They usually make the decisions. You are blaming your parents. Now you are 31. Every decision from 18 until 31 is your decision. If you do not like what you see, you might want to change the way you make decisions. Forget about your parents. That was only 18 years of your life. You see people at 50 still saying the reason I am why I am is because my parent made me that way. Take responsibility for your action. Period.

Mark Twain, from the session slides

The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

One of the things I cannot stand is a sense of entitlement. For those of us that were raised in a disadvantaged state, we overcorrect a lot of times. We have kids and we want to give our kids everything we did not have. Then our kids get everything. If we are not careful we raise them to be entitled. They feel like the world owes them something. The world does not owe you anything. We have to go out there and get it.

From the session slides and Maxwell's framework: seeing yourself as a victim is disempowering. You start believing bad things will keep happening, you blame others, and you stop trying because "it will not work." Robert Quinn calls that life the walking dead: meaninglessness, hopelessness, quiet desperation. It is personally draining and relationally destructive. Good leadership becomes almost impossible.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE

Maxwell's parents taught him this young. He passed it to his children and grandchildren. Six places you own. No one else. From the session slides.

ATTITUDE

You dictate it every day

My attitude is a choice. I work to keep it positive every day. Nobody else gets to hand you your attitude.

TIME

Other people do not dictate your schedule

I have a set number of hours. I control how I use them. An email on Monday does not own your Wednesday.

PRIORITIES

Act on the most important things

Lesser things do not get to distract me. You have to be okay with where you fit on my priority list.

POTENTIAL

Your growth is your job

I am responsible for my own growth and my God-given potential. If I do not develop it, no one else will.

PASSION

Do not wait to be inspired

I do not wait for someone to inspire me. I fuel the spark and get up ready.

CALLING

Do what you were put here to do

I am responsible for the gifts and opportunities God gives me. I work to do what I was put on earth to do.

Iraq. My boss Mark. An email.

Do not apologize for your prioritization.

I have always had jobs that require more task than time. My to-do list is never going to get done. I have a to-do list today that is probably never going to get done. A year from now I will still have stuff on it. I do not live a life where the list is empty. Every night when I go to sleep there is stuff I did not have time to do. I was in Iraq with my friend Mark. He was my boss. He saw how much I did every day and how I prioritized. I sent a person an email and said I apologize for just getting to this. Mark got so mad at me. He said, Rick, do not you ever apologize. You prioritized. I watched you. They sent you an email on Monday. That does not mean they get to dictate your time. You got back to them on Wednesday because that is when your schedule allowed it. Do not make excuses for your prioritization. If you are my boss and you outrank me and it is important right now, I can stop. If you are not, I have other priorities. Just because you sent me an email does not mean I have to stop my whole day.

ACT YOUR WAY INTO FEELING

Some people say fake it till you make it. You are not always going to feel like doing something. You still have to do it.

It is always more effective to act your way into feeling than to feel your way into action.

We got a proposal. We got an issue with a partner. Desi got to deal with an invoice issue or a bank issue. We got a gazillion issues. You are not always going to feel like it. You still got to do it.

Today's Word. 28 years. PT is not optional.

I am not that disciplined. I just do not give myself the option.

I do a podcast every morning at 7 a.m. If I am live at 7 looking good, I had to get up at 5:30. I have been doing Today's Word for over 28 years, five days a week. Are there some days I do not feel like doing it? Yes. How do I do it anyway? Eric, you were in the Army. What time was PT? About 6 a.m. I would invite people to church. They would say, I will try to make it. That means they are not coming. My retort: are you going to try to be at PT? What do you mean, Rick? Are you going to try to be there? No. Why? Because I got to be there. You do not get up in the morning and give yourself the option to roll over. If PT is optional, instead of rolling out you would be rolling over. People say, Rick, you are so disciplined. I am not that disciplined. I just do not give myself the option. If I ever said Today's Word is optional, half the time I would not get up. It is a mental switch.

Maybe I do not feel like sending this email to this partner that has not paid us in 37 days. Maybe I do not feel like getting on this call with WWT. I appreciate the fact that you do not feel like it. We are grown. We are big boys and girls. We are going to do what we need to do. After we start doing it, a lot of times we are like, I am so glad. Now I feel like doing it. I did not feel like it at the beginning. You can act your way into a feeling.

From the session slides: George W. Crane said motions are the precursors of emotions. You cannot control the feeling directly. You can choose the action. After college Maxwell read Og Mandino. If I feel depressed, I will sing. If I feel sad, I will laugh. If I feel fear, I will plunge ahead. Today I will be the master of my emotions.

WAY 02

CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS AND PROCESS THEM FAST

Not suppression. Feel it, name it, redirect it. Stuart said it in the room: process emotions fast and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting in an emotional way.

Psychologists have discovered that 95 percent of your emotions are determined by the way you talk to yourself as you go through your day. Brian Tracy, from the session slides

Have you ever heard somebody talk to themselves in a terrible way? I am like, hey, what are you doing? Why would you dog yourself out? You need to learn how to be kind to yourself. A lot of times you are nicer to other people than you are to yourself.

Kim said it in the class. Everything we speak is true. Your negative thought is the truth if that is what you speak. Your positive thought is the truth if that is what you are speaking. I believe that when I speak God's Word it will manifest. I learned to speak that as opposed to those negative things. If you live in it, you make this thing manifest. Shifting our language really can change our lives.

HALT. Write it. Do not send it.

Never make a permanent decision in a poor mental state.

If somebody really got on your nerves and you wanted to give them a piece of your mind in an email, write it out. Get the bad words out of your head. Then delete it and send a nice one. Do not put their name in the To box so you cannot accidentally send it. Come back to it. There is an acronym: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. When you have those emotions, sleep on it, walk away from it, or write it out. If you do not process, you hold on to them, and they influence your decision-making.

Another thing we have to talk about because everybody on the screen is virtual. The only two people close to each other are Stuart and Eric. When you are working in front of a screen all day and you are not really working around humans, you need to make time to walk away from the screen. If not, you might not be healthy. There are times I just have to go upstairs and watch TV. I have a TV right there, but I am not going to watch TV because I work in here. I have to get out of here. You got to do whatever you got to do to be healthy.

From the session slides: Coach Toyin Crandell teaches "emotional homes." Under pressure the brain stops thinking logically and you get stuck in an unproductive state. Your emotional home is the road map back to the door. If sadness is your default under stress, gratitude is the home you walk back to. An emotional home lets you feel the emotion, avoid a poor decision, and point your heart back to a positive state.

AN EVENT IS NOT OVER UNTIL I HAVE LEARNED FROM IT

Especially when something happens that was not good, or I did not handle it the best way. If I really got angry at somebody, or I said something I should not have said, I better learn from that moment.

Maxwell's evening process after conflict or high pressure, from the session slides:

1

Review

Review my day by myself. What happened in my world today?

2

Think

Think about myself. What did I learn about myself today?

3

Talk

Talk to myself. What do I need to hear myself say?

4

Direct

Direct myself. How should I apply what I have learned? Then take action. Time spent reflecting is wasted if it does not produce action.

The evening and the morning were the first day. Biblically speaking, the day starts the night before. Your day started last night.

For us, our day starts in the morning. For God, the day starts the night before. If you start the night before as you unwind, you prepare for tomorrow mentally. What am I going to do tomorrow? What lessons can I learn from today? Now I am walking myself through tomorrow. You will be much better prepared when you wake up to launch into that day and be productive.

Kim said wisdom comes from God. Knowledge is what we know. Wisdom is what to do with what we know. As we gain new knowledge, if we seek wisdom we grow. We should always be aiming to get better. She highlighted those questions. Her assignments for God are greater than any assignment Isabella could ever give her. If she sits down on those things she is not just falling short. She is missing out on what God has for her.

I am 54, but I grew up in East New York, Brooklyn. Those first 17 years count a lot more than a lot of other people. Experience causes wisdom. I know people at 20 who know more and have done more than anybody. They have had more failures, hence more ability to recover. Yes it is age-related. It is also doing more things outside your comfort zone.

WAY 03

KEEP SHORT ACCOUNTS

Emotional baggage is capacity you cannot spend on your people. Kim called this one out first in the room.

Kim: who has time to hold on to this? I do not have time to be mad by myself. You are mad at someone and they are simply living life, totally oblivious. While I do not want anyone else to be upset, I cracked the joke: either we going to be mad together or I am just going to move on. If it is your fault, take a moment, address it, correct it, apologize. If it is not, be willing to forget. I have no time and no energy for grudges. For being upset while you are living your best life. I need to figure out what is happening inside of me. Apologize if I am wrong. Ask for forgiveness if you have done something wrong. You have to be okay with the apology you may never receive. Learn to move forward. Forgive.

29 years preaching. The altar is always packed.

She needed to let her dad go. He died six years ago.

What I have learned as a preacher, 29 years preaching: that is easier said than done. I deal with people that go to church every Sunday with a smile on their face, a spring in their step, a song on their heart. If I preach about unforgiveness and I say, if you have bitterness, malice, unforgiveness in your heart, you need to let it go, come up here to the altar, the altar is always packed. People that sing every Sunday. I remember this one lady. I said, how can I help you? She said, I need to let my dad go. My dad offended me. I said, before I pray for you, promise me you are going to call your dad right after this. She let me know he died six years ago. Unforgiveness. You walk it around like you have been sucking on lemons for six years. People hold on to grudges. It is amazing.

Be quick to forgive yourself too. Do not just forgive other people. Forgive yourself. You are going to make mistakes. April and I had this discussion a long time ago. She was beating herself up. We would get on the call. I know I did it. I said, stop April. Nobody is perfect. We are all going to make mistakes. It is hard for you to forgive other people if you are always beating yourself up.

HACKETT

They are out dancing

From the session slides. "I have had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you are carrying a grudge, they are out dancing."

HUBBARD

The ability to forget

From the session slides. A retentive memory can be useful. The ability to forget is the true token of greatness. Successful people cannot afford to live in the rearview mirror.

DARK

Bring another pitcher in

From the session slides. Alvin Dark: "There is no such thing as taking a pitcher out. There is only bringing another pitcher in." Look back after the game to learn. Do not carry the inning.

YOU

Resolve it. Next play.

Partner friction, a missed deliverable, an internal miss. Resolve it. Apologize if you were wrong. Forgive. Get your eyes on the next play.

WAY 04

PUT OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS IN PERSPECTIVE

John Wooden, one of the greatest coaches to ever live, UCLA. From the session slides, and I taught it this way in the room.

Do not be too concerned about what others may think of you. Be very concerned about what you think of yourself. John Wooden

People are going to have opinions. People that do not even know you are going to have your name in their mouth. People are going to have an opinion of you for a million reasons. Respect everybody. Know that they may have an opinion. What you are not going to do is lose your sense of identity, your sense of purpose, your sense of value, your sense of self because of the opinions of others.

Watch this. If their opinions are good, you can get too high on yourself. If their opinions are low, you can get too low on yourself. You do not even want to believe the good opinions either. In the country they say you smell yourself. You do not want to get the big head.

After I preach.

To God be the glory. Learn how to have a proper opinion of yourself.

I finish preaching. A whole line of people line up to talk to me. They come one by one. In most cases they are like, oh my God, it was like you had a camera in my house. You were following me around. You were talking about me. I say, well, to God be the glory. They go, no no no, but it was you. I said, no. To God be the glory. Learn how to have a proper opinion of yourself. Not too high, not too low. The Bible calls it being sober minded. That is how you keep a humble opinion of yourself. If you are not careful, people give you all these accolades. If you get caught up in the accolades, you will find yourself doing some things that are uncharacteristic.

From the session slides and Maxwell's framework: Maxwell's first church vote was 31 yes, 1 no, 1 abstain. He was devastated. His father said, "That is the best vote you will ever get." Maxwell spent Sundays scanning the room, wondering who voted no. That is a people-pleaser leading, not a principled leader. He changed four ways: he put values ahead of the people he wanted to please. He looked forward more than backward. He found new models. He moved away from people who were holding him back. If the criticism is true, work on yourself. If it is untrue, do not let someone else's issue become yours.

Leo Buscaglia, from the session slides: "The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be."

WAY 05

A PROBLEM VS A FACT OF LIFE

Those are not the same thing. Fred Smith Sr. told Maxwell: if you cannot change it, it is not a problem. It is a fact of life. Howling at the moon wastes energy. From the session slides.

If there is something we need to address right now, we got a problem on our team, we got a problem with a customer, we made a mistake with finances, we made a mistake on the VMI program: okay, that is a problem. Let's fix the problem.

Tornado warning. Mortar rounds. 2005.

A network we can fix. Mortar rounds you cannot control.

Oh, Rick, inside of the NAIC there was a tornado warning. What are you going to do about the tornado warnings? What do you want me to do? You think I control tornadoes? There is some stuff we have no control over. Learn the difference between what you can control and what you cannot, and stop freaking out over things you cannot control. I remember I was in Iraq in 2005. It was very dangerous. We were flying all around the country. We are at this combat outpost and I am going to sleep. I am hearing mortar rounds. The mortar rounds are getting closer and closer to where I am sleeping. In those moments you find out real fast what you can control and what you cannot. Obviously all you can do is pray at that point. Then you go to work the next day and we are talking about a network. A network we can fix. A server we can fix. An email account we can fix. Losing sleep over the mortar rounds? You cannot control that. That is going to happen whether you talk about it or not. I do not like spending a whole lot of time on things I cannot do anything about.

Kim said it in the room. A problem has a solution. A fact of life is something you do nothing about. Let's say you have a problem, Rick, but it is not my problem. I have learned: it is a you issue, not a me issue. Learning to control the controllables is so important. As a parent of younger children, we want to help them manage so many things because we want to see life go well for them. Everybody has their own story. Kim, take a beat. Take a step back. If you have been a good parent, they will be okay. God is giving you what you need to give to them. They are going to make choices. You cannot control everything. Understanding what is a problem and what is a fact is really going to give you peace. Personalities can conflict. When you start to view a problem versus a fact of life, you can sit back and be like, yep, it is your problem, not mine, and smile and move on.

FACTS

You cannot control these

From the session slides. Where you were born. Your genes. What you did yesterday. What other people say or do. The weather. The stock market. Death. Tornado warnings. Mortar rounds.

PROBLEMS

Work these

A missed deliverable. A VMI mistake. A partner invoice. A network. A server. An email account. A conversation you still owe somebody.

From the session slides: there are never two consecutive good days in any leader's life. Leadership is problem-solving. Do not build your life around your troubles. Focus on the vision, not the obstacles.

WAY 06

BECOME COMFORTABLE WITH DISCOMFORT

If you only do things you are comfortable with, you are never going to grow. If you never fail at anything, you are not trying hard enough. You are not attempting things that are going to put you in a position to grow.

ALPFA. 150 Fortune 100 executives. Saturday.

If you never feel like an imposter, you are not in the right rooms.

I just spoke at an event this past Saturday. About 150 executives. Fortune 100 executives. ALPFA: Association of Latino Professionals for America. One of the things they said was, how do you deal with the imposter syndrome? Desi said she was not familiar. The imposter syndrome is where you are doing something and you feel like you are a fraud. You have the job, you have the title, and you are like, what am I doing in here? How did I get this job? I do not feel like I am supposed to be on this meeting. I do not feel like I am supposed to be in this room. They had a whole conversation about it. I grabbed the mic. I said, if you never feel the imposter syndrome, if you are never in a room that scares you to death, if you are never in a room where you are like, what the heck am I doing in this room, you are not growing. The only way you are going to grow into who God has called you to be is you have to be willing to try things you actually feel uncomfortable with.

I cannot tell you how many times I was in rooms where I was like, what am I doing? I am a Dominican kid from Brooklyn. What am I doing here? Lord, do not let me look stupid.

Then I would say something and they go, oh man, that was good. What is your name, Chief? You got a card? I am like, oh, I made it. You got to grow into that space. If you are never comfortable with discomfort, you are not going to grow. If you always do what you always did, you are always going to get what you always got. How boring is that? Who wants to live a life on Groundhog Day? You got to try new stuff. Exciting stuff. Terrifying stuff. At least it is new.

From the session slides: progress requires change. Change involves risk. If staying inside the comfort zone is the goal, the leader slowly dies. Pat Riley called complacency the Success Disease. It takes root when you feel good about who you are and what you have already done. Sifu Ted Wong, Bruce Lee's student, on walking: to move, you throw yourself off balance so the next foot catches you. Off-balance is uncomfortable. It is also the only way forward. Betty Bender: "Anything I have ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death."

WAY 07

GROW CAPACITY AHEAD OF RESPONSIBILITY

You got to be comfortable with discomfort. You got to learn how to work on yourself. How to grow your capacity. How to increase. I am an autodidact. I am always teaching myself something.

The more capacity you create for yourself, meaning the more I can handle, the more God will fill it. Then you will find yourself doing more. Watch this: you will not get stressed out in the process, because you believe you actually have the grace for it.

Kim said number seven is really one of her big focuses right now. She has a lot of things returning to her plate. Number eight became her fear. She recently returned to working out, about two months in. When she gets busy, the thing she puts off is her. The goal now is to keep taking care of herself while doing the things God has given her to do.

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Load bigger than capacity

Responsibilities greater than capacity. That is burnout. From the session slides.

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Load equal to capacity

Responsibilities equal capacity. That is chronic stress. You never have a margin.

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Capacity bigger than load

Responsibilities less than capacity. That is sustainable success. Grow the tank before you grow the assignment.

BOUNDARIES

Redefine what is not realistic

From the session slides. Identify what others expect. Redefine, reclarify, or renegotiate what is not realistic.

COST

Every yes has a price tag

Calculate it before you say yes. If you already overcommitted, admit it and revisit.

PURPOSE

Align before you add

Without a clear destination you waste energy on work that does not matter.

GROW

Capacity is not fixed

Maxwell wrote a whole book on that (No Limits). Focus on strengths. Do not let anyone, including you, tell you that you cannot grow.

WAY 08

MAKE CARING FOR YOURSELF A PRIORITY

A lot of the stuff we see right now is that people do not know how to take care of themselves. When everything around them is falling apart, they have not taken time to take care of themselves.

Isabella said it in the room. For different people, taking care of yourself means different things. For her, it is getting up and going to the gym, and a nice beautiful massage at the end of the week. For April it might be pickleball and hiking. You will never catch Isabella hiking. You will catch April hiking. Whatever it is that takes care of you, whether it is listening to a book, self-care is so important. Stop for a minute. Take care of yourself. Even if you just give yourself 30 minutes a day to just be you. So many times we are caught up taking care of everybody else but ourselves.

Kim, as one of the junior members of the team when it comes to age, said it to Desi: our bodies are changing. While you take care of you, you do need to do a little something physical. It helps your heart. It helps your joints. Taking care of ourselves also has to be about moving our bodies and eating a little less sugar. Isabella fussed at her too.

Self-care is never a selfish act. It is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others. Parker Palmer, from the session slides

SPIRIT

Stay connected

Spiritual nourishment. Stay connected to a greater source for encouragement and guidance. Cast your cares. Speak the Word.

PEOPLE

Who restores you

Relational energy. Time with people who restore you. For Maxwell: Margaret, kids, grandkids, people who value growth.

BODY

Stay in the game

Physical health. Maxwell's goal: swim 30 minutes a day. Gym. Pickleball. Hiking. Move more. Eat a little less sugar.

MIND

Grow today

Mental growth. Every day: read, think, ask questions, file what you learn, write. The only guarantee of a better tomorrow is growth today. Walk away from the screen.

From the session slides: a rested, recharged leader can take the high road. Mindless scrolling is not rest. Be intentional. The essence of high-road leadership is serving people and giving your best. That is possible only if you have something to give and the capacity to give it.

PATHWAY: RESILIENCE

I was about to be out of time. We had addressed the eight. I stopped on resilience and opened it up.

What is resiliency? It is our capacity to bounce back. It is our ability to overcome the setbacks, the disappointments, those moments we were not our best self.

Are you going to make mistakes? 100 percent. You should be. If you are not ever going to make a mistake, then you are not trying hard enough. We are going to make mistakes. We are not going to do everything right. We are going to continue to grow. We want to grow as leaders, as people.

Maybe we were skiing ahead of our skis and we made a mistake. Okay, fine. Not only are we going to create a culture where you will be forgiven. You got to embrace the culture where you can forgive yourself. You develop a certain level of resiliency so you can move forward. You got to be able to bounce back. What we cannot do is have people wallowing like, oh I made a mistake and now that is with you for days. No. We do not have time for that. We are all here for each other. We are all here to support each other. We are all here to grow as individuals and as a team.

We must develop the ability to be emotionally healthy, to be at peace on the inside, to be growing as individuals, to love and like ourselves, to look in the mirror and actually love and like what we see. For that to happen, we got to be in an environment where it is okay to be yourself. And it is okay to even make mistakes from time to time, because we all know that we are human and mistakes are going to happen.

From the session slides: resilience is the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. Strong leaders bear the emotional brunt of problems for their people. They rebound quickly. They help others bounce back. Then they rally, inspire, and navigate to success. The less baggage you carry, the further you can go.

Q1

Where am I drowning right now?

Name it. Do not spiritualize it. Do not call it a busy season if it is a capacity problem.

Q2

Where is my capacity below my responsibilities?

That gap is the leak. Grow the tank, or renegotiate the load. Do not pretend the math will change itself.

LESSONS LEARNED AND APPLICATION

What the Inspired team walked out with, and what I want you to walk out with in your leadership, your marriage, your ministry, and your work.

INSPIRED

We stay healthy so the company stays healthy

Federal deadlines, partner friction, 8(a) reviews, VMI, NAIC, proposals, invoices. Pressure is the job. Command climate is the culture. If leadership freaks out, the team freaks out. We invest in our own leaders on purpose.

LEAD

You cannot give if you are drowning

Last month: I want more for you than I want from you. This month: build the tank. Minister from overflow. If you do not have peace, you cannot give peace. If you are not healthy, you can cost somebody else their future.

HOME

Marriage, kids, the room after work

Overflow starts at home. If your marriage is falling apart you will not have peace to give a couple. Parents: take a beat. You cannot control every choice your children make. Forgive yourself so you can forgive them.

MINISTRY

Overflow, not empty

I teach this in Bible college. The altar is packed when I preach unforgiveness. People hold grudges for six years after a funeral. Speak the Word. Cast your cares. To God be the glory. Stay sober minded when the line forms after you preach.

WORK

Act anyway. Prioritize anyway.

You will not feel like the proposal, the partner call, the invoice at day 37. Do it anyway. Do not apologize for your prioritization. Walk away from the screen. Do not send the angry email. HALT before you hit send.

YOU

Patreon member, same assignment

You got the same class the team got. Pick one of the eight ways. Work it this week. Do not wallow for days. Bounce back. Look in the mirror and like what you see. Greater is coming, and you need capacity to carry it.

Last month we said we want more for people than we want from them. This month we build the capacity that makes that possible.

FIVE CHECKS FOR THIS QUARTER

From slide 19 of the session deck. Answer honestly. Your responses save in this browser.

Victim language. Where am I narrating a story that gives my power away?
Short accounts. What grudge, miss, or partner issue am I still carrying into the next meeting?
Facts of life vs problems. What am I howling at that I cannot change?
Capacity vs load. Where did I say yes without counting the cost?
Self-care so we can keep giving. What is one intentional practice this week (spiritual, relational, physical, or mental) so I have something left to pour out?

YOUR NEXT STEP

Name it. Process it. Bounce back. You cannot give if you are drowning.

DISCUSSION

From slide 20 of the session deck. Talk to me in the comments. Talk to your team. Talk to your spouse.

01

When did you last lead well under pressure, and what did it cost you emotionally?

Name the room. Name the cost. Do not skip the second half of the question.

02

Which of the eight ways hits closest to home right now?

Victim. Emotions. Short accounts. Opinions. Facts of life. Discomfort. Capacity. Self-care. Pick one. Work that one.

03

What is one fact of life you have been treating as a problem?

Tornado warnings. Other people's choices. Yesterday. Mortar rounds you cannot move. Spend your energy on what you can change.

RICK

The best discussions happen when everyone feels empowered to share their perspective.

That is my line from the slide. Come off mute. Write it in the comments. Do not sit on this.

DECLARATION OF CAPACITY

SAY IT WITH FAITH

Father, I refuse to see myself as a victim. I will not give my power away.

I will minister from overflow. I cannot give what I do not have. I cannot lead what I have not been.

I will take control of negative thoughts. It is vain to sit up late eating the bread of sorrow. I cast my cares on You.

I will keep short accounts. I will forgive others. I will forgive myself. I will not suck on lemons for six years.

I will put other people's opinions in perspective. I will stay sober minded. Not too high. Not too low. To God be the glory.

I will know a problem from a fact of life. I will spend my energy on what I can change. I will stop howling at the moon.

I will become comfortable with discomfort. I will walk into rooms that scare me. I am not living Groundhog Day.

I will grow my capacity ahead of the load. The more I can handle, the more You will fill it, and I will not get stressed out in the process because I have the grace for it.

I will take care of myself on purpose so I have something left to pour out. I want more for people than I want from them. I will not drown and call it leadership.

I declare this by faith. In Jesus' name. Amen!

VIDEO, SLIDES, GUIDE PDF

Take the assets. Do the work. Do not leave this as a nice read.

Live guide: https://guides.rickpina.cloud/high-road-emotional-capacity-premium-guide.html

Live guide PDF: https://guides.rickpina.cloud/high-road-emotional-capacity-premium-guide.pdf

Live slides PDF: https://guides.rickpina.cloud/high-road-ch6-slides.pdf

Class: Rick Pina, Inspired Solutions leadership training, High Road Leadership Develop Emotional Capacity. Book: John C. Maxwell, High Road Leadership, Chapter 6. Session 6 of 12. Pathway: Resilience. Companion guide by Rick & Isabella Pina Coaching. I am not inventing page numbers.